


I'm a Ghost of You, You're a Ghost of Me

by wovenwillows



Series: tumblr prompt fills [5]
Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Minific, i don't know if this actually counts as major character death but i'm tagging just in case, yes i'm a writer no i don't know how commas work...we exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27909031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wovenwillows/pseuds/wovenwillows
Summary: Before she can reason her way out she lifts the scissors up against her hair.“You would really hate me doing this,” she whispers to the darkness.Snip.Or:Mooney finally lets herself grieve.(requested by anon with the prompt "things you said after it was over")
Relationships: Mooney Doctor/The Moon
Series: tumblr prompt fills [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728016
Kudos: 9
Collections: Canada Moist Talkers Fanfiction





	I'm a Ghost of You, You're a Ghost of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from San Luis by Gregory Alan Isakov.

Mooney dangles her legs over the pier, letting the cold night breeze blow through her unkempt hair. She didn’t bring a jacket, so she tries to believe she doesn’t need one. She also tries to believe the sky isn’t empty. She doesn’t succeed at either. 

Somewhere in another time a younger Mooney sat on that same pier bathed in the light of her lover. She had a ring in her pocket, and she couldn’t help but run a hand through her hair in joyous nerves.

Nobody on the team ever seemed to believe her when she told them she was dating The Actual, Literal, Real, Not a Joke, Celestial Body Moon. Jenkins had laughed it off completely as sarcasm the first time she told them. 

“Right, and I’m dating the concept of Goodness,” they had said with a wide grin.

It was only after the wedding that any of them had believed her anyway. She did have to admit, the look on their faces after seeing the luminous form of her wife walking down a perfectly mundane, slightly soggy isle, was more priceless than any other memory she shared with them.

Of course now it doesn’t matter. It’s all just memories. There isn’t a ring in her pocket and the only thing she gets from teammates these days are cautious condolences, as if they think mentioning her wife in front of her will break her entirely. Honestly, maybe it will. There is something undeniably missing within her, but she’s still not sure missing is the same as broken.

That’s why she’s here, sat on the same pier where she met the love of her life for the first time. Sat under the awful empty sky, listening to the quiet waveless water. 

She takes the scissors out of her pocket, followed by the little piece of “moon rock” Greer left by her door in one of her lopsided attempts at condolences. (She’s almost certain it’s fake, but she can’t bring herself to look at it anyways.)

Before she can reason her way out she lifts the scissors up against her hair.

“You would really hate me doing this,” she whispers to the darkness. 

_Snip_.

“I remember how you used to braid my hair. Sitting here-” Tears burn in the back of her eyes and she tries desperately to gulp them down. “You would always tell me that I was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. I never really believed you because, I mean, you’re the fucking Moon, and I think you probably saw a lot of beautiful things since I’m pretty sure you were immortal-”

_Snip_.

“-And, I mean, that’s probably something I should’ve known while you were still here because you’re my fucking _wife_ and-”

A choked sob claws its way up her throat before she can suppress it.

“I miss you so, so, so much and for a while I thought that if I did something right I could bring you back, I could save you. But now I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again and I don’t know how to let go- honestly I’m not sure I even could-”

_Snip_.

“-But I know you would’ve wanted me to because you were selfless and kind and _perfect_ and I don’t think I ever deserved you.” 

She takes a deep breath

“No, that’s unfair. I’m sorry, I know you always hated when I said things like that. I’m cutting my hair because I still love you more than I know how to express and I don’t think I can look at myself in the mirror with the hair you can’t braid or the freckles you can’t trace and I can’t get rid of the freckles so the hair’s got to go-”

Half of her head is shorn down now, the pile of hair around her staying miraculously still despite the winds.

“I want to hope you’re still out there somewhere, I want to hope you’ll come home to me one day, but I don’t think you will. I think I just need to shave off the parts of you that stick to me. That way I can mourn you without mourning myself too.”

She runs a hand through the aftermath. It’s uneven and will almost certainly need a good clipper job, but it’s hers. The tears stream down her face in warm waves of salty water.

She gathers the thick fallen hair into her arms, setting the “moon rock” gently down in the middle. A second of silence passes, then she drops the bundle into the water below. It’s not like a clump of wet hair is the grossest thing anyone’s found in Halifax water, she doesn’t think anyone will even notice. 

Slowly she wipes the tears from her cheek. “And for the record, you were by far the most beautiful thing _I_ had ever seen.”

Mooney Doctor blows one final kiss to the darkness and heads off into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> This work was part of a prompt request thing going on over on my tumblr, requests are still open so feel free to leave one, yell about blaseball, or just say hi. My url is @squiddish.


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